A reflection on wilting
I came home from Vermont late Saturday night to find the flowers in my flower box underneath my front window severely wilted. At first, I cried foul—poison! Someone poisoned my flowers! Now, I wonder if they weren’t a sacrificial death—perhaps a symbol of the year up ‘til now, a foreshadow of what was still to come, a snapshot of my current state so I might investigate further the need for better healing options.
Flowers need nuanced care in order to thrive. Their caregiver must properly tend to their needs, appreciating how much sun is appropriate, how much water is required. The caretaker must observe the flowers with compassion, intellect and patience. They must be willing to remove any weeds that otherwise might stop the flowers’ growth, or to transplant them if they’ve outgrown their containers. The caretaker must provide enough nourishment for strong roots to develop and for the flowers to weather any storm.
We, too, need nuanced care in order to thrive. As our own caregivers, we must properly tend to our needs, appreciating the constant process of diet, sleep, exercise, relaxation, connection to self, connection with others, creativity, etc., of what balance of each is appropriate, required. We must observe shifts in our emotions or thoughts with equal compassion, intellect and patience. We must be willing to remove any obstacles to our own growth and healing. We must nourish ourselves as necessary, providing for the best possible environment for our health and happiness, for support.
Too simplistic, but what if our body were our gardening tool, our breath the fertilizer, our mind the bloom? How might we cultivate more awareness through our body that we needed to ground or to break open (move.)…through our breath that we needed to energize ourselves or to unwind and restore (breathe.)…and through our minds that we needed to take action or to sit and simply observe (be.)?
Yoga is about knowing oneself. Yoga sutra 2.44 introduces us to this idea of svadhyaya (self-study), the fourth of five niyamas (internal observances, or rules of conduct that apply to individual discipline). One of three parts of Kriya yoga—or yoga of action—svadhyaya asks that we self-reflect and develop self-awareness through this process of self-examination.
Self-study involves nurturing ourselves physically, energetically, mentally, spiritually. In order to create positive action in this world, we need to operate from fertile ground. Just as we plant a flower’s seed, nurture its growth and experience its full bloom, we, too, must plant our intention, nurture our practice and experience our individual creativity and self-expression.
I have focused a lot on self-care and well-being of late, and likely will continue to do so moving forward, as I believe this to be my calling right now. That said, I still have so much more to learn about myself and the ever-changing process that underscores my life.
My immediate reaction to the wilted flowers was that someone did something to them, and thus to me. I then transitioned into the practice of self-study—what did I really know about pansies and what they needed, i.e., how much sun, how much water? Did they need to be taken out of their containers and put in soil together? Were they better separate? Had I created an environment in which they could properly thrive?
Turning this self-study towards myself and my own self-care and well-being, what did I really know about what served me best? Do I truthfully know the proper balance for myself of diet, sleep, exercise, relaxation, connection to self, connection with others, creativity, etc.? Am I truly observing my thoughts and emotions with compassion, intellect and patience? Have I actually removed obstacles for my growth, and were they the right obstacles? Have I yet added the appropriate and required nutrients to encourage my healing, health and happiness? What more might I need to explore?
Today, I feel wilted, just as my flowers are outside. I will explore self-care and well-being today with extra attention to my breath and how it moves within my body, soothing my heart and calming my mind. I will appreciate that I, like my flowers, need to wilt in order to ultimately bloom. And I will come to realize that this, too, is part of the process—that all of life and its experiences are our garden tool, our fertilizer, our ultimate bloom.
“Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the Self.”
~The Bhagavad Gita
