Stories are often created from ignoring the truth of a person, behavior, situation, culture, system and the like. Within our own lives, we allow ourselves to become actors, learning to play our roles quite well within these stories, both understanding and dancing around the often multi-layered, underlying subtext never to be spoken. We proudly wear our costumes and masks. We diligently show up for rehearsal. Occasionally we dare to improvise, exposing contextual moments of truth, often unknown to most, including ourselves. But eventually, as good actors do, we circle back to the story’s original intent so as to arrive at curtain call as expected.

Pause. Re-read if need be.

Life itself is made up of a compilation of these stories…

bad·​ass·​e·​ry | \ ˈbad-¦a-sə-rē  \

1. The state or condition of being a badass: badass quality or character

2. The actions or behaviour characteristic of a badass

bad·​ass | \ ˈbad-ˌas  \

2. Of formidable strength or skill

One of my best friends stopped through town this past weekend. In addition to sharing delicious food and drink and overall inspiring conversation, specifically we discussed the notion of “badassery”—what it is (IMO, overall impressiveness) and how to both recognize and celebrate this state of mind, in others and in ourselves.

It’s this last part…badassery in ourselves…that kept me up at night: why is it so much easier to acknowledge it in anyone other than in ourselves?

• Compassion (def.) – sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress, together with a desire to alleviate it

• Self-Compassion – directing this compassion towards one’s self

Yoga philosophy* teaches us that our true nature can become imbalanced due to physical, mental and emotional conditions. These may manifest as tightness in our bodies and breath or as feelings of restlessness, worry, helplessness and the like. We can work to reduce or prevent these imbalances through practice—moving, breathing, sitting—learning to nurture attitudes of friendliness, compassion, pleasure and non-judgement. These healing virtues, or “yogic vitamins”, have as much to do with our relationship with ourselves as they do with our relationships with others.

I have struggled over the years with accepting compassion, in particular, as a two-way exchange…

Most people who know me would likely describe me as a highly motivated person. I would tend to agree. I have a lot of drive that, when channelled appropriately, can propel me into action, and, when not, can stop me in my tracks.

At times, it can seemingly do both…

These words from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar were what I chose for my high school graduation quote many moons ago. As a military brat, I’ve had my fair share of goodbyes over the years, which has continued into adulthood—from schools to cities to homes to jobs to family, friends, boyfriends, etc. And despite all of the many opportunities, never have I quite mastered the art of the farewell.

For many years, I kept my heart closed in an effort to protect myself. After enough hurt and disappointment, I decided that my fear of pain was more important to protect than was my desire for connection to nurture. And so it went. For many years.

And then I found therapy. Similar to my first few years of my yoga journey, I showed up each week, rolling out my mat or sitting on the couch, thinking that that was “the Work”. All the while, I sensed these undercurrents slowly signaling to me that there was more to it. I ignored as much as I could, convincing myself for some time that just showing up was enough.

I apologize for sending this note so late in the afternoon. I experienced a few minor distractions this morning as I was leaving Harrisonburg (VA) after a mini two-day, self-care retreat. Having lost power unexpectedly at my Airbnb, I then experienced connectivity issues at the local coffee shop. As I felt my nemesis, Stress, start to invite herself inside, I looked up and saw the sandwich board outside the cafe.

On one side, it read:

In the midst of the chaos lies opportunity.

On the other side:

Your worth is not measured by your productivity.

I couldn’t sleep last Wednesday night. Unfortunately, I don’t sleep well many nights, but that particular evening was especially challenging. Eventually I threw in the proverbial towel and decided to do something I don’t do often enough—watch the sunrise.

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. ~ Anne Lamott

When my employment unexpectedly ended two months ago, a near and dear friend implored me to unplug from my normal modus operandi and rather plug into a totally new way of being. She challenged me to do everything counter to what my hard wiring would otherwise have me do—such as immediately updating the resume, calling the headhunter, reaching out to my network, finding project-based work, etc. Instead, her challenge required an acknowledgement on my part that the only way to start back up was through a total system reboot.

Recently, someone very special to me shared with me the above quote. Since, I’ve ruminated on it night after night, recognizing it to be what it is—the perfect lesson for this perfect moment.

Life has slowed down—for most of us, myself included, not necessarily by choice but rather by necessity. Being recently single and newly unemployed, I find myself with time on my hands unlike any other period of my adult life. And, against the backdrop of a global pandemic, this time has seemingly multiplied.

Freedom. [ free·​dom | \ ˈfrē-dəm ]

1 — The quality or state of being free, such as (a-h): the absence of necessity, coercion or constraint in choice or action; liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another; the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous; unrestricted use; ease, facility; the quality of being frank, open or outspoken; improper familiarity; boldness of conception or execution (Merriam-Webster)

I’m tired. I think we’re all tired. Today being the midway point of the year (yes, it is the end of June!) gives us a time to pause, to tune into our current state, to reflect on the connection between our body, breath and mind. Are they connected, and if so, how? Is it through awareness? Intelligence? Compassion? Or is it via our emotions, which often lead us astray from the truth?

Last week, I headed west to Shenandoah, the northernmost region of the Blue Ridge Mountains. I went seeking rest and relaxation, something we all need in general, and especially during what can only be described as an exhausting 2020 thus far. What an emotional roller coaster for each and every one of us—at all levels (global, national, local and individual alike)! The Universe is telling us something; will we choose to listen to Her?