A reflection on thanks

I’ve been re-watching Apple TV+’s Ted Lasso the last few weeks, which if you haven’t seen yet, watch now and thank me later. (And if you end up doing neither, we must talk…)

I would describe the show as both positive and cheerful while also sad and grounded—and overall, inspirationally kind and vulnerable.

While there are many incredible lines to quote for those of you whom that is a thing—including multiple references throughout as to why we should strive to be a goldfish—there’s a pair of lines that really resonates with me as we reflect and give thanks this Thanksgiving.

Late in the season, Ted, played by Jason Sudeikis, learns of a very personal and professional betrayal and has the option of how to respond. Many of us, if presented with our equivalent of this situation, would likely react first, reflect later.

Ted chose differently. He paused, allowing for space between the stimulus (the news) and his response. He invited in his breathe to slow down his sympathetic “fight or flight” nervous system. He related to the injurious individual, finding common ground and connection with this obviously injured person herself. Ultimately, he humanized his response, forgiving her and finding the silver lining from this otherwise hurtful situation.

…(it’s) changed my life. It gave me the distance I needed to see what was really going on…you and me? We’re okay…
~Ted Lasso (Ted Lasso, season 1, episode 9)

The connection, Catherine…please.

Here goes. Though I’ve been a yoga practitioner for two decades now and a teacher for more than twelve years, I’ve struggled over this time putting into practice the yogic principles that Ted Lasso did, so eloquently and seemingly effortlessly as he did, in the above scenario. It is hard work to pause. It is hard work to invite the breathe to slow yourself and your reaction down. It is hard work to relate and connect with another. It is hard work to humanize our suffering and that of the other.

But it is possible.

And there is beauty in this hard work and through our ability to respond with kindness and vulnerability, both honouring the betrayal or disappointment and acknowledging the lessons learnt, the growth initiated, the silver lining.

I’ve had months to reflect on the loss of my relationship and of my employment. Both, I had hoped, were for the long term. But in May earlier this year, life as I knew it came crashing down, and my hopes for either continuing forward stopped (or, rather, were stopped). Though I practice and teach alignment-based asana (Move.) and do incorporate the other limbs of yoga such as pranayama (Breathe.) and dhyana (Be.), I was forced to acknowledge that I often lived my day-to-day life on fast forward, charging through moment-by-moment, not fully taking the time to pause and connect.

I now know that I needed these losses to gain the distance required to see—finally—what was really going on with me. I’ve certainly gone down the rabbit hole attempting to see things through my past partner’s eyes or to understand my past employer’s position (more the former, less the latter). But ultimately, I can’t control them, I can’t explain them, I can’t defend them, I can’t…full stop. And when I try, all I’m doing is re-living the past or hoping for the future, bypassing the present.

These losses have provided me the time to slow down, to pause, to invite in the breathe. They have enabled me to “do the work”—of becoming less reactive, of recognizing the swirl sooner and of slowing it down. They have gifted me the opportunity to connect with, to feel, to understand myself. I lived for so many years in other people’s shadows, chasing other people’s dreams, fulfilling other people’s expectations. I did not know what was my shadow, what were my dreams, what were my own expectations. I’m now learning or, more importantly, tuning in and listening.

And I know…like Ted Lasso…I’m okay. We’re okay.

This #nownormal in which we live has presented each of our own Ted Lasso betrayal of sorts. How have we chosen to respond? Through reaction? Through reflection? Have we continued to push, to fight, to challenge? Or have we allowed ourselves to sit, to feel, to pay attention? As I often say when I teach, there’s no right or wrong. Rather, through yoga, we cultivate awareness and intention. From this, we invite in the breathe. We welcome transformation.

I am grateful that through Move. Breathe. Be. I have had the opportunity to connect with you for the first time, to re-connect with you after all this time or to to have continued my connection with you over time. It is an honour to work in effort to touch and change people’s lives, and it is a gift for my life to be touched and changed in the process.

With gratitude,

XO Catherine