On the power of choice
How has January already come and gone? It feels like just yesterday when I shared my first post of the year On Beginnings, and here we are on the last Friday of the month, a fifth Friday at that.
I also don’t know how a whole year has already come and gone, either. It seems like a lifetime ago that it was January 29, 2020. And in many ways, it has been. We’re now in a #newnormal, or #nownormal, of a global pandemic that has shaken all aspects of our lives.
This time last year, I was planning my first road trip with my partner, and though a relatively new relationship, I thought it was my forever one. I was coming off the heels of an informal year-end review with my CEO, in which it was mentioned I could be her successor, so while the job was not without its challenges and concerns, I thought it was at least a long-term one. And I still had my buddy of ten years, Pedro (aka, Peter Rabbit), and though I knew his life was not infinite, I sort of hoped he’d defeat the odds.
Not four months later, all that had changed. Pedro had passed ten days after that, my relationship ended three months after that and my job three weeks after that (and COVID-19 had been declared a pandemic some time in-between).
You might be asking, Catherine, I thought we had turned the page…you’ve written on beginnings and perspective and on the importance of viewing the end of something as the beginning of something else. You've written on the power of our thoughts and on tuning inwards to find our inner calm (and here). And you’ve written on inspiration and bravery and how that’s needed to stay present and move forward. Aren’t you going backwards?
Yes…And…
The Yes: my past, just like all of our pasts, will always be a part of my story, our stories.
The And: we don’t have to be confined by our pasts. With work and effort, we can stop carrying around the hurt, frustration and guilt. We can start forgiving ourselves and others for our not having known how to “do” or “be” better, or differently. We can begin shifting our focus internally and on ourselves and on our own actions, on our own boundaries and on how we show up, versus continuing to focus externally and on others.
In other words, we can choose. And this power of choice impacts the perspective we bring into situations, which we control, and circumstances, which we don’t, and our corresponding thoughts and mindsets.
See…I tied it together.
I recently listened to a powerful TEDx Talk by Caroline Myss (pronounced mace) on the power of choice and the infinite consequences that come from choice. (I recommend you listen to/watch it if you haven’t yet; it’s an empowering 25 minutes.)
Three Choices to Make
She challenges us to choose to live an integral, life—to live our truth. Living our truth means not compromising ourselves or betraying ourselves. It also means letting others go, as we don’t want to hold anyone else captive just to please us. And, it means that we don’t get to blame others for our fears, our indecision, our actions. Rather, we must own them as our own. As she eloquently states when talking about liars, or those not living in their truth, “an honest person who eats cat food will go further than you”.
She also challenges us to choose to pass along our wisdom, not our suffering. All spiritual traditions teach us that life is not fair and, therefore, that suffering is universal. This truth should not make a difference in terms of how live our lives, then. And while we don’t need to forget what has happened to us, we do need to learn to live with it and for it not to defeat us. While some of our pasts are excruciatingly painful, we have the power to choose to live in the wisdom that comes from them rather than in the woe.
Finally, she challenges us to choose to take risks and to not live in the “I should have…” or “I wish I had…”. As part of this, we need to look forwards, not backwards. What’s behind us no longer exists, it’s no longer an accurate portrayal of who we are and of what is possible. Instead, we need to choose to be in the newness of the present, of what is, and to not be afraid of it. There’s gratitude that exists in the mundane of the day-to-day, and we can choose to wake up each and every day and bless it, as it will never be like this again, as it is now. Right now.
As I mentioned, I recommend you tune into this TEDx Talk and the rest of Caroline Myss’s work. It’s powerful!
Our entire lives are bodies of work to which we are constantly contributing each and every day. We can consciously choose, moment to moment, what to see and what to ignore. We can be led by fear, thus allowing our anxiety to influence our feelings of worth and value, becoming victims of our circumstances and choosing from often unconscious, deep-seated hurtful patterns. Or we can be led by love, thus allowing our vulnerability to enable our seeing and being seen, learning to connect with self and others authentically and choosing consciously after space between potentially triggering stimuli and these habitual patterns.
Over time, we learn to release our pasts and their hold on us so that we might gain our days and nights back. We learn to not be bound by them. We learn to look towards the future, moving on, not looking back, as tomorrow is exciting.
We start choosing differently.
XO
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